Growing up I never quite understood how my dad could get quite so upset when we woke him up at night by being too loud. Having Gabe around has clarified that for me, as I've found in the wee hours of the night that my temper flares to anger without warning and I have to tamp it down after the fact instead of working with it before it happens.
When I tell people at work that I have a horrible temper it usually gets a confused look or even a laugh. The reason is I work incredibly hard to keep my temper in check and have a full suite of behaviors to diffuse it before it becomes a problem. For instance getting up and walking out of meetings is me diffusing my temper, and is seen as someone getting pissy instead of enraged. This is damage that is much easier to repair and keeps the myth that I don't actually have a bad temper alive. I've had a decade to master these work coping skills, but only four months of being a father to call on.
Last night my temper flared to anger twice, and twice I had to tamp it back down. I was trying to get Gabe to go back to sleep and failing miserably. I didn't do anything to Gabe, but it scares me every time I get angry around him. Even if its only for a few seconds before I squelch it, it is a state of being that I don't enjoy being in. Emotions are a tricky thing, you can't control them so much as you can acknowledge them and then move on. I hope to get to the point that when I'm tired and cranky I have an opportunity to acknowledge that I'm becoming angry and move on before I actually get angry. It is something to work on.
In the light of day it is hard to imagine I could ever get angry at sweet little Gabe, I do love him so.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Never fear! Cranky Daddy will have ample opportunity to work on his Zen Daddy state. :P
Dear Chris:
You can be happy no matter what by Richard Carlson. Live in the present moment, all live in separate psychological realities making communication difficult, we are always thinking mental health is choosing carefully how we react to our thoughts, high moods and low moods, emotions Anger is a 100 percent accurate measure one is in a low mood. Low moods we regret actions later.
You are about twenty years ahead of your father at learning how to control ones Moods and emotions.
Keep up the good work.
Love,
Dad
Opa, you are wise, and sweet, too!
Post a Comment