Dear Kaylee

I have to apologize: if you are looking back through this blog, and I hope you are, than no doubt you are noticing that your big brother has more photographs, more minute-by-minute updates than you do. Please understand that documenting the first child more is a common phenomenon for parents; we all swear that we won't do it, and then it just happens. And now that I am the mother of two, I can finally shed some light on the subject.

We don't love your brother more. The two of you are equal in our hearts, so let there never be a doubt in your mind over that. And while we are quite busy becoming adjusted to the rigors of having two young offspring, we can't honestly say that we are so up to our eyeballs in living from day-to-day as to excuse us from taking more photos.

You have, in fact, been a remarkably easy baby compared to Gabe. Not that Gabe was all that different from you; poor Gabe just had the misfortune of being our learning experience. With him we fumbled, we made so many mistakes, and we worried ourselves sleepless as every new parent does. With him, our lives made the shocking transition from carefree grown-up children, to actual grown-ups. The weight of the responsibility was crushing at times, and as a byproduct, we went a little batty, determined to document the astounding thing that had happened to our lives in the form of that tiny little boy.

But with you, we are free from such insanity! You are a beautiful baby, doing beautiful baby things, and your father and I are relaxed and confident enough to enjoy the journey without obsessing over it. Your crying doesn't perplex us - I can tell if it's a change that you need, or if you are hungry or tired. You don't cry without reason. Dirty diapers aren't the tragedies that Gabe's were, back in the beginning. And we aren't sleep deprived.

Hallelujah, we aren't sleep deprived! And what a difference it makes. Kaylee, we didn't plan on doing anything different this time around, but almost on that first night we had you home from the hospital, your dad suggested that we try letting you sleep in the bed with us. It's not the safest thing to do with a newborn, but it means I don't have to be awake for an hour every two or three. I get to go back to sleep while you nurse, and you don't need me there by your crib, desperately trying to get you back to sleep when I can barely stand up. Once so far, you even woke me up by nursing. How very independent of you!

I couldn't safely do this if pregnancy hadn't trained me to hold very, very still while I sleep. And I have a fail-safe mechanism built in: if I were ever to roll onto you, I would immediately wake up, because my breasts are tender, thanks to them being milk spigots. Poor Gabe tried to crawl across my chest this morning, and got quite a yelp out of me!

And speaking of Gabe, let me tell you the other reason why we have been slacking on photographing you: because Chris and I have been putting our focus on making sure that your brother doesn't feel traumatized by the experience of suddenly no longer being an only child. For the first time in his life, Mom can't run over to help whenever he needs it. Mom has to say "I'm busy taking care of your sister", over and over, from sunup to sundown. Gabe has to be turned away sometimes when he needs extra comforting - and it breaks our hearts. He is not yet three, and it is painfully difficult for him when he wants snuggles from Mommy and Mommy has to say no. We want to be sure, absolutely sure, that this does not fester into resentment for you.

It is far more important to us that you have a good relationship with your brother than it is that you have a bunch of silly photographs.

I hope you understand.

And I will try to take more photos! Starting now. . . though, as it happens, the prime photo opportunity at this moment happens to be your brother, who fell asleep watching the Polar Express, his favorite movie, again. . .

I hope this gives you giggles!